How to not die alone : the surprising science that will help you find love

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Title:

How to not die alone : the surprising science that will help you find love

Alternate title:

Surprising science that will help you find love

Author:

Ury, Logan, author.

Summary:

"Love, as the saying goes, make fools of us all. But behavioral scientist and dating coach Logan Ury wants to fix that. A lasting, loving relationship doesn't just happen. It's the result of a series of decisions: when to date, who to date, who to settle down with, if you should break up, and everything in between. Very often, we don't understand why we're making certain decisions, and that causes us to make mistakes. And our current dating environment-with its overwhelming amount of options and constant pressure to make the right choice-only makes those decisions harder. Logan studied psychology at Harvard and spent years researching relationships. Here, she explains expectations, emotions, and other invisible forces that drive our faulty decision-making. But awareness on its own doesn't lead to action. (Knowing you shouldn't date "bad boys" or "manic pixie dream girls" doesn't make them any less appealing.) You have to do something. And Logan shows you how. Each chapter focuses on a different decision, from the first date on, and includes big ideas from behavioral science, original research, hands-on exercises, and stories about people just like you, to help you find-and keep-love. You'll learn: -What's really holding you back in dating-it's not what you think (and how to overcome it) -How to meet people in real life (and how to not come off as creepy) -Why your current dating app filters won't find a great match (and how to fix them) -Why you should always go on a second date (unless you're getting serious serial killer vibes) -Why "The One" doesn't exist (but you'll find love anyway) ... and much more!" -- Provided by publisher.

Edition:

First Simon & Schuster hardcover edition.

Physical Description:

335 pages : illustrations ; 24 cm

Subject Term:

Dating (Social customs) -- Psychological aspects.

Interpersonal relations -- Psychological aspects.

Intimacy (Psychology)

Publisher:

Simon & Schuster,

Publication Date:

2021

ISBN:

9781982120627

9781982120634

Publication Information:

New York : Simon & Schuster, 2021.

Call Number:

306.73 URY

Holds: Copies:

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Item Barcode	Collection	Call Number	Status	Item Holds
33607003486142	Adult Nonfiction	306.73 URY	Searching... Unknown	Searching... Unavailable

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Summary

A "must-read" ( The Washington Post ) funny and practical guide to help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams.

Have you ever looked around and wondered, "Why has everyone found love except me?" You're not the only one. Great relationships don't just appear in our lives--they're the culmination of a series of decisions, including whom to date, how to end it with the wrong person, and when to commit to the right one. But our brains often get in the way. We make poor decisions, which thwart us on our quest to find lasting love.

Drawing from years of research, behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury reveals the hidden forces that cause those mistakes. But awareness on its own doesn't lead to results. You have to actually change your behavior. Ury shows you how.

This "simple-to-use guide" (Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone ) focuses on a different decision in each chapter, incorporating insights from behavioral science, original research, and real-life stories. You'll learn:
-What's holding you back in dating (and how to break the pattern)
-What really matters in a long-term partner (and what really doesn't)
-How to overcome the perils of online dating (and make the apps work for you)
-How to meet more people in real life (while doing activities you love)
-How to make dates fun again (so they stop feeling like job interviews)
-Why "the spark" is a myth (but you'll find love anyway)

This "data-driven" ( Time ), step-by-step guide to relationships, complete with hands-on exercises, is designed to transform your life. How to Not Die Alone will help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams.

Author Notes

Behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury is an internationally recognized expert on modern love. As the Director of Relationship Science at the dating app Hinge, Logan leads a research team dedicated to helping people find love. After studying psychology at Harvard, she ran Google's behavioral science team--the Irrational Lab--and created the popular interview series "Talks at Google: Modern Romance." She is a 2018 TED Resident. Logan lives in the Bay Area with her husband, Scott. She credits her relationship success to the techniques outlined in How to Not Die Alone . Learn more at LoganUry.com or follow her @LoganUry.

Excerpts

Chapter 1: Why Dating Is Harder Now Than Ever Before KEY TAKEAWAYS Dating is harder now than ever before. And you can tell your mom I said that. Here's why: We define our own identities, unlike our ancestors, whose lives were defined by their communities. We have thousands of options at our fingertips, which causes us to question our decisions. We're uncomfortable making big decisions when we can't research our way to the right answer. Social media leads us to believe that everyone else is in healthier, happier relationships than we are. Far too few of us have good relationship role models. There are far more models for dating and long-term relationships. We're bombarded with messaging that we need to get this decision "right"--and that a right answer exists at all. But there's hope. Using insights from behavioral science, we can take control of our love lives. Excerpted from How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love by Logan Ury All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.

Author's Note	p. ix
Introduction	p. 1
Section 1 Getting Ready
Chapter 1 Why Dating Is Harder Now Than Ever Before
How to Understand the Challenges of Modern Dating	p. 9
Chapter 2 The Three Dating Tendencies
How to Discover Your Dating Blind Spots	p. 17
Chapter 3 Disney Lied to Us
How to Overcome the Romanticizer Tendency	p. 23
Chapter 4 Don't Let Perfect Be the Enemy of Great
How to Overcome the Maximizer Tendency	p. 37
Chapter 5 Don't Wait, Date
How to Overcome the Hesitater Tendency	p. 49
Chapter 6 Learn Your Attachment Style
How to Manage Your Attachment Style	p. 65
Chapter 7 Look for a Life Partner, Not a Prom Date
How to Focus on What Matters in a Long-Term Partner	p. 75
Section 2 Getting Out There
Chapter 8 You Think You Know What You Want, but You're Wrong
How to Avoid the Pitfalls of Online Dating	p. 105
Chapter 9 Meet People IRL (In Real Life) How to Find Love off the Dating Apps	p. 131
Chapter 10 This Is a Date, Not a Job Interview
How to Create Better Dates	p. 149
Chapter 11 F**k the Spark
How to Reject Myths About Instant Chemistry	p. 171
Chapter 12 Go on the Second Date
How to Decide if You Should See Someone Again	p. 179
Section 3 Getting Serious
Chapter 13 Decide, Don't Slide
How to Consciously Navigate Relationship Milestones	p. 199
Chapter 14 Stop Hitching and Stop Ditching
How to Decide if You Should Break Up	p. 211
Chapter 15 Make a Breakup Plan
How to Break Up with Someone	p. 231
Chapter 16 Reframe Your Breakup as a Gain, Not a Loss
How to Overcome Heartbreak	p. 251
Chapter 17 Before You Tie the Knot, Do This
How to Decide if You Should Get Married	p. 267
Chapter 18 Intentional love
How to Build Relationships That Last	p. 279
Acknowledgments	p. 289
Appendix
Critical Conversation Planning Doc	p. 295
Relationship Contract: Self-Reflection Worksheet	p. 299
Relationship Contract	p. 305
Notes	p. 319

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